David Beckham Probably Didn't Sleep With That Prostitute

That lady at the store, maybe. That secretary, probably. But Becks says a US tabloid rag is totally off the mark when it comes to this $10,000-a-night call girl. Because, c'mon, 10 grand for her?

Let's recap the allegations published in In Touch Weekly, because for whatever reason, they've kind of flown under the radar.

Irma Nici says she was paid to sleep with Beckham on five different occasions, dating back to 2007. Because inquiring minds want to know, she gives him a 7.5 out of 10, which will hopefully make it into his ratings in Football Manager 2011. Oh, and he supposedly jerked off with lotion, but "it was perfumed, so it kind of burned him!"

Then, there was a threesome, with a second lady provided by the madam who brought down New York governor Eliot Spitzer. Sure, why not.

Nici doesn't seem to be hiding from the spotlight, starting up a website offering access to more photos of her for 99 cents. (The site is having technical difficulties at the moment, though there is a contact for "media outlets interested in purchasing Irma's photos.")

Beckham's planning to sue , and he might have a case. A spokesman notes that Nici claims she met up with him at one New York hotel, when he actually stayed at a different one. Additionally, she says his hair was dripping wet, but Becks was rocking the shaved head look at the time.

Look, true or false, scoop or libel, I think the moral of this story is: Victoria Beckham is a shriveled bonebag who no one wants to sleep with anymore.